It wasn't too long ago that when someone would ask me how I was doing, I only knew how to respond one way: complain.
Now, I didn't think of it as complaining. In fact, my grumbling easily masqueraded as...
Entitlement: "my life is so hard" or "I'm a victim"
(read between the lines as "I deserve better")
Oversharing: "I want to be honest & transparent"
(otherwise known as "I don't have boundaries")
Negative Indulgence: "I don't want to pretend life is sunshine & rainbows when it's not"
(also see "it feels better to complain than be content")
While complaining might have made me feel better or elicited sympathy from others, it never ever, not once, produced JOY.
Instead of JOY, it...
Fed all the ways I felt discontented, unsatisfied, or bitter.
Blinded me to all of the blessings God had filled my life with.
Diminished the good things God was doing, regardless of my circumstances.
Correcting habitual complaining definitely took a lot of effort, and the cure isn't toxic positivity (pretending like nothing bad ever happens).
Instead, I asked for some advice from Paul & Dumas:
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." - Ephesians 4:29
“Often we pass beside happiness without seeing it, without looking at it, or even if we have seen and looked at it, without recognizing it.” - The Count of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
Here's how I reduced complaining & produced more joy:
📝 Write in a daily gratitude journal & "recognize happiness". Starting each day with a thankful heart instead of a negative attitude puts me in a healthy heart posture.
🔐 Keep my circle of support small & specific. Having boundaries with my burdens prevents me from just complaining in every single conversation.
🐑 Accept that Joy & Gratitude are less entertaining than drama & gossip, but Peace & Contentment are more valuable than attention.
The biggest Joy I've found in limiting my complaints to others is that I more quickly go to Jesus when things are hard, whether they are big or small, & find comfort first in Him.
As a result, I always have a reason to be joyful, because whether I'm in a season of sunshine or storms, He is all I need.